Life Skills: The Four Stages of Self Esteem When Trying to Accomplish
|November 21, 2010
|Filled under Life, Life Skills, Life Coaching, Mind
Stage One – I canâ€™t do it! (inactive)
Stage Two – Iâ€™m not sure how this can be done. (passive)
Stage Three – How do I do it? (passive-active)
Stage Four – I can do it! (active)
Notice that there is a progression from an exclamation mark (!), a period(.) to a question mark(?) then finally ending with an exclamation mark (!)? This isnâ€™t an accident.
When a person is experiencing low self-esteem they think of ways â€œnotâ€ to carry out things. They will mull over how things are â€œnotâ€ possible and â€œassumeâ€ too much about the situation. When a person is experiencing okay self-esteem, they will ask themselves how to get things done: What can I do to get x,y,z done? And when a person is experiencing high self-esteem, they say: I can do it! Then they go about their business.
Iâ€™m the type of person that listens to/reads/hears every word, its importance to the speaker, and its relevance to me. Words, how they are phrased, and their syntax offer great meaning to the auditor if one is willing to listen beyond the obvious.
Discussion about my theory is welcome.
I challenge you…
to catch yourself when you say words and phrases like: No, I canâ€™t, I donâ€™t, Thatâ€™s wrong, Itâ€™s impossible, They wonâ€™t want it, Iâ€™m intruding, and I shouldnâ€™t â€” because these are self-limiting beliefs that keep you away from accomplishing your dreams, everyday tasks, and difficult challenges.
Catch yourself saying â€œnegativeâ€ self-defeating words and phrases AND assuming. Verify your assumptions as fact. Give others and yourself an opportunity to â€œprove you WRONG!â€.
Question why you are saying these things and find ways to rephrase/reframe them so that the new ways of wording do good work for you.
Disclaimer: If you are in survival mode â€” i.e. you are being attacked â€” â€œNoâ€ and any other aggressive words are quite fitting and often useful. Consider what I say in context and your own brand of common sense.
(originally published in my non-psychic coaching blog June 11, 2005 12:12pm)
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