Best Friendships, 7th House Beginnings…
| November 5, 2010 | Filled under Life, Astrology, 12th, 7th, Aquarius, Self-disclosure |
I’ll probably come back to this post to clean it up and add to it. It’s been sitting in drafts since November 5th and its been pleading with me to get published so here it is in its draft state. 🙂
I’m not the type to have many mutually Libran 7th house “committed“Â & Scorpio 8th house “deep“Â friendships but that’s generally what I desire.
In fact, most of my friendships are the Aquarian “superficial”, “acquaintance”, “groups & networks” 11th house type that generally skim the surface and keep things light, distant, and impersonal yet topics of discussion are deep, optimistic, warm, and spiritual.
There’s nothing wrong with 11th house relationships and in fact, they are low maintenance, commitment free, easy-on-the-mind, and full of learning opportunities; however, every once in a while I yearn for something more.
My best and only deep and committed friend — whom I would share all my secrets, ambitions, joys, and heartache — is a husband. He would be more than likely the only person who really knows me — even more than my biological family. But I haven’t had a genuine friend, whom I haven’t slept with, since my late twenties (Saturn Return) when I realized that I made my own best friend and that no one else could care for my success, well-being, and love me as much as I could love myself.
I also discovered that ex-boyfriends made very good friends after our break-up and I still know some of them after 15+ years. I think the fact I can stay friends with exes is because the relationships were founded on friendship, we created a bond, didn’t compete, and were already there for each other so even though the romance was gone the friendship remained.
But having a deep friendship with someone I haven’t had sex with, well, that’s been a long time. The biggest issue I have with friendships is that of trust, dependability, vulnerability, as well as mutual Venus interests and chemistry or rather wonderful astrological aspects!
With an 11th Sagittarius house cusp (no planets in the house) I don’t need committed & deep friendships to feel happy and content. It’s just that sometimes it would be nice to know I actually had a 7th house friend that wasn’t’ a husband.
What do you want out of a serious friendship?
The biggest thing I want in a deep connection is a component of: productive involvement.
For me to take a superficial 11th house association into a 7th/8th deep friendship we need to 1) love communicating in a big way; 2) live by a “Don’t hurt others” rule 3) determine if there’s a well-rounded “personality”, “general interest”, “values”, and “life” connection fit, and 4) want to:
- Support
- Love
- Congratulate
- Feedback
- Be Present, Show Regard
- Gift
- Continue
- Share
Support
Lets be there for each other. In joy, sickness, health, pain, etc. If we can help each other out, we will – in all ways. Will we speak kindly of each other? When we hear of something that might make the other person happy, will we readily share it? We get involved in each other’s projects in any way we can because we want to support our friend.
Congratulate
When we do something well, a sincere “job well done” (from a genuine friend) is life enhancing. Encouragement to do it again, and again — whatever warranted the “congratulations” in the first place is welcomed. And wanting to know a bit more about the success without it being a mining exploration for selfish purposes either is wonderful.
Feedback
I’m not perfect; no human is. And I’m about growing and evolving. I want a friend to feel comfortable enough to call me on my Leonine, Virgo, Cappy crap from time-to-time.  I want criticism done with love and sincere interest in wanting me to be the best I can be so I can hear the message well. And I want to feel that my friend desires and loves the fact that I’m willing to take the time and care in giving feedback as well.
Be Present / Show Regard
Anyone home? Can we remember special dates? Are we on-tap with what’s going on in our lives? Do we respect each other’s time, space, thoughts, feelings, gifts?
Gift
What’s your gift? Are you using it to bring pleasure and joy to your friend? So many people have lovely gifts and I can generally tell a genuine friendship from a user by whether they readily present their gifts to me. If your friend is a painter, will they paint a picture and gift it to you? If your friend is a writer, will they offer to edit your story? If your friend is an organizer, will they help you organizer your files? Of course there’s something to say about people using their gifts to get something from you but that’s usually made very clear.
Continue
Continuity is very important to me. With any friendship (especially an 11th house friendship) even if we haven’t talked in years, when we meet again it will be as if no time has passed. A lot of people have told me I’m like this and they get tickled by it. However, to me, a genuine friendship — a 7th house – one includes an ongoing connection. Perhaps we connect 2-3 times a week even if only by phone or email. We keep each other up-to-date on what’s going on in our lives, ask for advice, share our joys and failures, etc.. And if you are the type that says “nothing happens in my life for us to connect that often”, well, I don’t think we will would end up being close friends then. It’s true that we all have busy lives and that’s why the term “best friend” is used. We usually only have room for one, maybe two.
Share
Can mouths be kept shut? Are you trustworthy? Can you trust yourself? If you can’t trust yourself; than you are not trustworthy. Can you be vulnerable? Will you share truths about yourself without having to have the other go first? Are you interested in getting to know and understand the “real” person behind the ASC mask?
What do you not want from a serious friendship?
There are certain aspects, signs, and planets in astrology that I believe cause any serious intimate friendship to become a challenge in getting off the ground and in maintenance. When the planets Venus and Mars interact with Uranus and Neptune in square and sometimes opposition there’s either walls up or a push/pull effect. When these planets are dis-harmoniously aspected in the signs of Taurus, Libra, Aries, Pisces, and Aquarius and in or on the cusps of the 5th, 6th, 7th, or 8th houses, there can be a self-indulgent, self-interested, weakened state, or highly independent nature not conducive of a 7th H committed relationship.
If these planets and signs are in challenging positions and the natives are not willing to overcome the challenge to gain the gift of intimacy, then it’s important not to become vulnerable with these people because they don’t have what it takes to offer you a fabulous long-term and deeply satisfying relationship.
Talking About Houses & Friendship
In regards to houses as related to interests enjoyed with friends.
3rd House
Chatting about nothing in a deep way. Telling stories. Taking short trips together. Weekend getaways.
5th House
Play time. Arts and entertainment. Acting like children. Not having a care in the world. Total downtime, nothing cerebral. Celebrities. See & be seen. Creating stuff. Flirty nature. Going to bars, dress-up.
6th House
Working out. Hiking. Wii-Fitness. Doing a project together. A fundraiser. Spa time. Cooking a healthy meal.
7th House
Helping each other get somewhere. Working as a team. Your weakness will be covered by my strength and vice versa.
8th House
Delving into serious topics. Expressing deep and true emotion, problems with others in romances, career, gossips, etc.
9th House
Exploring spirituality and the occult. Talking about theories and philosophy. Book club. Going on long journey, physically, mentally, or emotionally
11th House.
House of friendship, associations, networks and networking, acquaintances, superficial connections,
11th HÂ Ruler –> Aquarius.
Aquarius’ generally have a lot of friends and that’s for a good reason. They KNOW how to be a friend. In fact, they have won the title of “Friend“. They want you to have your own opinions, they don’t smother you, they give you independence and freedom to do and say what you will, they will stand up for you should you suffer an injustice, encourage your inner freak, and can talk with you about anything and everything. They are also often too busy “doing their own stuff” to care about your personal life.
I dont’ want to give the wrong impression. Every sign, house, etc. ad nauseum has its productive and unproductive energies and while an Aquarius makes for a perfect friend it’s not the kind of “committed and deep” friendship I crave but it’s still one I deeply value. So other than being able to unfriend you as quickly as they friended you and without a tear they’ll show you, an Aquarian friend is a delicious friend to have.
(This post inspired by transiting Sun & Moon Square my Sun but sextile my Moon & Venus, Venus RX in Scorpio, Tweeters, FB Friends, Amy S., N.S., and my husband — began draft on Nov 5, 2010 8:00pm EXACT)
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